Red Dwarf: The Game of Life is Hard to Play
by Hatman-and-Robyn
Summary: Set before Series One of Red Dwarf. Lister upsets Rimmer for the last time, and causes more hurt than he ever realised. Strong Themes contained within this Story. My first Fic in 4 years... Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_I Do not own any of the Red Dwarf characters/objects etc. Therefore making this a simple Fan Story ^_^_

**Authors Note: **_I've not written anything since 2005 and all of that Rubbish was Deleted so in a sense this is my First published Fic on the site. So... I hope you enjoy._

_**- **__This story is based __**Before**__ Season One of Red Dwarf. So Before Rimmer and the rest of the crew died etc. _

_All reviews and constructive criticism is welcome. I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm not going to make excuses, apart from sometimes I fail at things like that ^_^_

**Warning:** _This story will contain pretty mature content such as suicide and other "taboo" subjects so if you're easily upset or offended I suggest giving my story a miss._

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**Chapter One**

"I'm Sorry, I've gotta go back. The Mission can't run without me."

"But... I love you?"

"I love you too, but this is something I need to do."

A small tear trickled down the young girls face. Her blue eye's pleading with him, but it was useless. He'd never meant for this to go any further than a holiday fling, and now his leave was over he wanted to make as quick a get away as possible. Though his no strings attached fantasy was fading fast. This girl just wouldn't give up. It'd only been a week and already she was in love with him? As he tried to feign interest in what she was talking about his mind wandered to other more important things, like the big curry that he'd be chowing down on in just a few hours.

"Dave, will you write to me when you're away?"

"Of course I will."

But he wouldn't. He never wrote to the girls he met on Planet Leave. It was a bit of fun and that was it. If they got too attached that was their own fault. Anyway she was young, couldn't be older than eighteen. She'd get over it.

"This is Ridiculous" a voice in the background muttered.

Dave ignored it. He needed to make this as quick and painless as possible. For her of course, not for him. He couldn't care less. All that mattered to him right now was getting back and having a nice can of larger and a smoke. Not long till the shuttle arrived and then he'd be free of her, it couldn't be more than five minutes away.

"*Ding* Shuttle Arriving at Bay Three" announced the tannoy.

"That's me Hun, I've gotta go!"

"Oh Dave... One last kiss?"

Forcing a smile he leant into her and planted a soft kiss on her slightly parted lips. Then grabbing his duffle bag from the floor, he swung it over his shoulder and gently placed his finger on her lips before she could say another word. He smiled at her one last time as the shuttle roared into the bay, and then spun on his heel and walked away without another word. He was home free.

"Lister, do you have no heart in that fat gut of yours?" A voice chirped up from behind him.

"Oh Shurrup Rimmer, it's nothing to do with you."

"But Listy-Poo, you know I can't help but ask."

"Smeg off Rimmer, I'm not in the mood."

As Lister and Rimmer boarded the shuttle, the young girl stood watching as the man she believed to be her boyfriend disappeared into the throng of people. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks, lips trembling and sobs racking from deep inside her chest. The sad thing is, Dave Lister, the love of her life wouldn't even remember she existed in a few days.

As the two pushed their way through all the happy people disembarking from the shuttle, ready to start their planet leave, Lister tried to put as much distance between Rimmer and himself but to no avail, Rimmer was sticking to his side like glue, a goofy smile plastered all over his face. Lister's little fandango with the Titan girl had amused him no end and would fuel his berating of Lister for at least a few weeks. Making it past the last few stragglers, Lister shoved his bag into the luggage compartment and sat down heavily on the plastic shuttle seats, massaging his temples with his index fingers, Rimmer hot on his tails.

"I can't wait to have a Smegging curry" Lister muttered under his breath.

"Will it aid the heart break Listy?" Rimmer beamed, sitting down opposite him.

"Will you SMEG OFF!"

"Now, now Listy no need to throw your toys out the pram, I'm only having a laugh."

"Well it's not funny... She was a pain in the proverbial, I'm just glad to be outta there!"

"I Thought she seemed nice, brain dead for dating you, but nice nonetheless"

"Christ Rimmer, Shut The Smeg Up. It's not like you could do any better!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rimmer queried, although a little hesitantly.

"It means you're the most obnoxious guy I know. You're a pathetic, brown-nosing, weasel. You've got less charm than maggot infested road kill. You've only had one woman in your life and she was concussed. Face it Rimmer no girl'd ever want you. You're a poor excuse for a human being" Lister spat in retaliation.

Lister's little outburst surprised even himself. He felt the colour rising in his cheeks and the guilt rising from the pit of his stomach. He looked over at Rimmer and saw the hurt look that now engulfed his whole face. Rimmer had wound him up sure, but he should have tried to be the bigger man instead of stooping to petty school ground insults.

"Rimmer man, I'm sorry. I'm... I'm just tired; I didn't mean to say that..."

Rimmer didn't even look at Lister when he spoke. He didn't even hear him. All he could hear was the blood pulsing in his ears. Lister was right, and Rimmer didn't know which hurt more. The fact that Lister was right, or the fact that he was in fact that sorry excuse for a human being. His face prickled hotly and his eyes began to sting. He wouldn't cry in front of Lister, he wouldn't give him the satisfaction, not this time at least. Blinking a few times, he forced himself to calm down; he could spill those tears later when Lister was off drinking in one of the ships bars. Shifting in his seat, Rimmer turned to look out the window, trying his hardest to ignore Lister. He may have been right but this was the final straw. Lister always thought he was better than Rimmer, just because he could charm the ladies, and it wasn't just Lister who believed themselves to be superior to Rimmer, it was everyone on the ship. Emotions began to swirl inside Rimmer; anger, fear, resentment all swirling and balling together, creating a rather sickening feeling in his stomach.

Soon the shuttle lurched and slowly came to a stop inside the hanger of the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf and with a loud hiss the doors slid open. Grabbing his bag and ignoring Lister's protests Rimmer left, shouldering Lister hard as he walked past.

"Don't be so pathetic Rimmer; you know I didn't mean it man!" Lister Called.

But this fell on deaf ears. Rimmer didn't care, and right now all he wanted to do was take some pain killers for his throbbing headache. Barging past his colleagues and co-workers, everything seeming like a blur as tears welled in his eyes, he made his was as quickly as possible to his dingy living quarters. Bursting through the door he yelled "Lock" at the top of us lungs and then collapsed on his bottom bunk. Pain seemed to be pulsating from round his eyes and forehead almost unbearably and as he tried to fight back the tears it just seemed to make it worse. He'd always suffered from stress headaches, usually brought on by exam revision and his total lack of understanding, but this took it to a whole new level. Forcing himself to a sitting position he pulled open the drawer on the side of his bed and moved around the various revision time tables and bits of paper searching for his pain killers. Then among the debris of the drawer he saw it. A dog eared and faded photograph. On it was a pretty middle aged woman and a stern militant looking man stood close together. In front of them knelt down and smiling were three handsome boys of varying age in varying uniforms of superior ranks in the Space Corps. They seemed like such a happy and proud family. Then, there in the corner of the picture, barely visible was a skinny young boy whose expression was one of pure unhappiness. He looked like an outsider, like an ostracised leper, the brother that nobody wanted. It was Arnold Rimmer.

Snatching up the photograph he shoved it into the breast pocket of his shirt, it was one of the only picture he had of his family all together and he could hardly bare to look at it. Even his family couldn't stand him, he was the let down child, the one that everyone bullied, the one who couldn't do anything right. He was a failure in everyone's eyes, including his own. Not even bothering to be careful with his possessions he moved things aside roughly until finally he found the bottle of pain killers. Clicking the child proof lid off he gazed at the mountain of small white tablets as they conjured strange but tempting ideas in his mind. These could be his release, the escape from his pitiful excuse for a life. He would never have to worry about anything again. Getting up from his bed he wandered over to Lister's locker and pulled it open, there hidden under piles of dirty laundry was a bottle of ship issue vodka that Peterson had got Lister for his birthday. Maybe it was the pain, or maybe it was the excitement of finally escaping but Rimmer's head spun with a dizzy light headed sensation as he walked over to the bed with Lister's vodka. With a thunk he sat down, vodka in one hand, and pain pills in the other.

_He couldn't do this... or could he?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **_I Do not own any of the Red Dwarf characters/objects etc. Therefore making this a simple Fan Story ^_^_

**Authors Note:** _This story is based __**Before**__ Season One of Red Dwarf. So before Rimmer and the rest of the crew died etc. _

_All reviews and constructive criticism is welcome. I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm not going to make excuses, apart from sometimes I fail at things like that ^_^_

_Sorry about the late update, been sorting the house out ready for when my parents got home and spending time with my boyfriend, as well as having some home issues and having to start packing for uni – busy busy busy. I shall be updating more often though._

_Sorry the Chapter is a bit short. Next one will be better._

**Warning:** _This story will contain pretty mature content such as suicide and other "taboo" subjects so if you're easily upset or offended I suggest giving my story a miss._

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**Chapter Two**

"Stupid Smeg Head" Lister muttered over his can of larger "it's not my fault he's so touchy".

"Will you shut up about him, we're here to Party!" Interjected Petersen.

"Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a twist, he just pisses me off!"

"Tell me something I don't know!"

"He's just..."

"LISTER, shut up and go get us another round in!" Selby interrupted.

Sighing, Lister got to his feet and trudged up to the bar. He planned on spending the majority of his time steaming drunk now that he was back on the ship. The usual state required to deal with all of Rimmer's annoying habits. His job didn't require much effort so he could usually get away with it, unless Rimmer smelt the alcohol on his breath, then he'd end up on report again. Big Smegging deal, if he wasn't on report for drinking on duty he'd be on report for something else that Rimmer deemed "unacceptable" behaviour. Why did he ever sign up to work aboard Red Dwarf?

"Another round please"

The mechanoid at the bar nodded and placed 4 cans of larger on the bar. Lister smiled weakly and handed him the money for them. It was going to be hell when he got back to his living quarters, with Rimmer determined to make him miserable for the silly little comment he made before. But then again things weren't much better here, he needed to vent and his friends couldn't care less what he had to say unless it involved girls or booze. Picking the drinks up between his hands Lister made his was back over to the table of his rowdy friends, much to their delighted cheers. It was going to be a long night.

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"Yuck!"

Rimmer's whole body convulsed in an involuntary shiver. Vodka was such a vile tasting drink. Though with every gulp straight from the bottle the taste became dulled, along with the rest of Rimmer's senses. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd been drunk, he was far too sensible for that. But here he was, sat alone, drinking away his problems, the bottle of pain killers still held loosely in his hand.

His mind was still racing with the ultimate question, 'to take the tablets or not?' If he did, then he'd finally be free of all his downfalls and shortcomings, he'd finally make his parents happy, because they would no longer have a living failure of a son. They'd have a dead son who could no longer disappoint. It was all far too tempting, and the more he thought about it, the more he realised, what did he actually have to live for?

_*Click*_

The lid of the pain killers flicked off easily. Inside it revealed a small mountain of white tablets, tempting and taunting Rimmer. Dropping the almost empty bottle of vodka on the floor he steeled himself for what he was about to do. Hands trembling in fear and anticipation he opened his mouth, tipping the tablets in one by one. With each shaky swallow he was one step closer to his end, knowing it would have been so much easier if he had one of the lifts cyanide capsules to hand. After thirteen tablets, the awful taste in his throat and dryness became too much and he collapsed into his bed, tears streaming down his face, he'd made a mistake.

But what could he do now, it was already too late. The painkillers and alcohol where swirling round in his stomach, his blood, his entire body. Reacting and catalysing. Already he could feel his insides cramping in agonising spasm, the pain killers sure didn't waste their time. Colours and blotches exploded in front of his eyes, the room swimming in and out of focus. Fighting a losing battle Rimmer tried to hang on, maybe Lister would come back and find him, help him, before it was too late. A wave of nausea struck Rimmer and he felt his stomach convulsing, vomit rising in his throat, but he fought to keep it down. Vision dimming, all Rimmer could feel was pain and fear. He'd never felt as alone as he did right now. His whole body was wracked with tears as he rolled over into the foetal position.

"Someone... please..." he whimpered.

But not even the cat Lister had hidden in the air conditioning duct in their room heard this pitiful squeak for help. The pain in his gut was growing and Rimmer's knuckles were white from grasping at his bed sheets and holding his stomach. It felt like all his organs were trying to burst out his torso by whatever means necessary, and all he could do was clutch his stomach in some desperate hope that would make a difference. Then with one huge final stab of agonising pain, like a white hot blade had punctured his insides, Rimmer lost the battle, and everything went black.

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"To Ganymede and Titan, yes Sir I've been around, but there ain't no place, in the whole of space, like that good old toddlin' town" Lister sung drunkenly.

Staggering down the corridors of the ship, barley able to walk straight, Lister slowly made his way back to his living quarters. He felt in far better mood than before, probably because he'd drunk his own body weight in cheap larger, so much so was his good mood, that he was even willing to apologise to Rimmer and try to make drunken amends. Lister wasn't a bad guy, it's just when he got home sick for earth, on the long journeys to mining sites, he often let his emotions get the better of him. But not right now, right now he believed he was the happiest guy on the ship, and he was dead set on sharing his good mood with Rimmer.

Reaching the door to their quarters, Lister wrestled with it for a few moments, before remembering it was voice activated. "Open" he hiccoughed a drunken grin plastered across his face. Inside he saw Rimmer collapsed on his bunk, still fully clothed. Lister chuckled to himself and began to get undressed ready for bed, it never occurred to him that something might be wrong. In his mind Rimmer was just asleep... then it clicked. _Rimmer never slept with his uniform on, he wouldn't want to get it creased, I mean that's why he kept his underwear on hangers._ Turning round he walked up to Rimmer and that's when he saw it. Rimmer's face was a pale grey colour, and from the look of it he wasn't breathing. Starting to get scared, Lister clumsily put his fingers to Rimmer's neck to find a pulse, he couldn't. This wasn't good.

"Smeg... HOLLY" he yelled "EMERGANCY!"

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_**Thanks to:**_

_Knee-Knee  
Cazflibs  
hell ferret_

_For the lovely Reviews and for pointing out some of my silly mistakes ^_^ _


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